It's 3pm

         At 3pm, I will be done with this final. At 3pm, I can begin writing for fun, reading countless books, rambling with friends, and organizing my bows. At 3pm, anything is possible. 3pm. But what happens if I waste my month of no assignments and no deadlines? Is it even possible to waste time? What if my Chefville, nap, and Wii Fit addictions take the place of everything I want to do in the next thirty days? That's when I realized I am afraid of 3pm.          
        Since January, I have had a clear goal: Go to class, Go to work, Prepare for class, Prepare for work, Sleep when there is time, Socialize when there is time, Complain about not sleeping when there is no time, Complain about not socializing when there is no time. Simple. But now there will be an abyss where a schedule used to lie. What if I don't use it well? I have not written in this blog since Christmas break. What if that doesn't change? I haven't finished a book all the way through for fun in months. What if I've forgotten how to stay engaged to the end? Let's be honest-- I've never had a clean room. What if I can't break the habit? 
        I'm finished with my last final, but I am still waiting for 3pm. There's something about a deadline that is hard for me to break. I want to have time to plan for 3pm. I want to have time to decide what is next. But maybe that's not the point. Maybe we aren't supposed to plan life. I guess maybe Lennon was right when he said "Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans." Yet somehow that's less comforting. Did he mean we have no say? Do plans mean nothing? Or maybe the point of plans is to help us feel a part of our journey. Maybe plans are there to get us where we need to be when we need to be there. Maybe life is what happens when we are busy over thinking the future. Alas, my alarm just sounded. It must be 3pm.